thankful thursday

as i took a few minutes to regroup from a busy day, i decided to sit in the front room and look at the christmas tree (yes it's still up) and plugged in the lights. as i sat there, eating a piece of my ghirardelli dark chocolate candy from santa, the ornament below seemed to stand out...



hope... i reflected on the fact that with a new year comes renewed hope in what the future holds, renewed hope in what God will do, and renewed hope in the blessings to come but as yet unknown...



just above the "hope" ornament was this one of santa kneeling at the manger. one of my favorites, because it reminds me that even though we have a lot of fun celebrating santa's visit, st. nicholas was a christ-follower, and we need to keep that as the focus all year long...



i got up and was looking more closely at the tree and reminiscing about different ornaments and their origins and stories of how they were acquired when the next ornament of "peace" struck me. after reflecting on the hope we have, i felt an overwhelming sense of peace wash over me, so it was fitting that this was the next one that i found. i then went on a mini-quest to find the last of the trio of the set of ornaments, wondering what the third word was, but couldn't remember for the life of me...



when my search concluded, i found "joy". how fitting is that? having confidence in the hope that we have brings about peace. once we have true peace, we can find joy even in the mundane and minute moments life brings.

i'm thankful for the time i was able to reflect and remember these truths...because life gets crazy and drama-filled rather quickly, and being able to look back at that little lesson sure helped keep me grounded during the almost immediate storm of drama that swirled about me just moments later.

otters, and geese, and ducks, oh my!

today was the weirdest day as far as wildlife is concerned in my neighborhood. i live in a subdivision, which is full of "waterfront" lots, because we have several man-made lakes (aka retention ponds) because of the phosphate mine that used to be here and the digging that they did for it. anyway, it was definitely a "wild" day...

first off, when i let the dog out to do his "business" this morning, there were probably 50 cattle egrets sitting on the bank of the lake behind our house. luckily rocky decided to listen to me, rather than trying to make some new "friends." we see these birds all of the time, but not normally in such large numbers.

about an hour later, as i was driving nick to school, three otters ran across the road at a spot where there is a lake on each side of the road (so for them it was a straight shot from one lake to the other, just a street and a couple of sidewalks in the way). i actually pulled up on the grass on the left side of the street so we could see over the bank and take a gander...they were swimming and diving under water, looking just as you would expect otters to be, playful and having fun...kind of made me think of a few kids cutting school to go swimming.

speaking of ganders... later in the morning, once elisabeth left for the bus, thad and i left to run a couple of pressing errands and get some groceries. in the exact.same.spot. there were 5-6 geese crossing the road. two of them are gray and the rest are white. they showed up in the fall, so i'm assuming they're "snow birds". they left the same lake the otters left and were heading toward the same place where the otters entered the water. weirdest thing!

and as if that weren't strange enough, as i was still driving out to run those errands, i drove through the roundabout and was leaving our subdivision when lo and behold two mallard ducks (a male and a female) were crossing my lane and heading toward the median. they actually kind of freaked out and weren't sure what to do, so i stopped as quickly as i could so they could just go on their merry way, which they did. (i'm pretty sure they're "snow birds" too, we don't normally see ducks and geese in our neighborhood in the summer.)

on the way home from the errand/grocery run, in the same place where i saw the otters and geese, there were sandhill cranes. now that's not very unusual here because these gigantic birds walk around all the time, digging their beaks into the ground for food, leaving lovely holes in your yard as they do. they are normally seen in pairs, because they stay with one mate for life, and sometimes they have a baby or two who tag along, but it's too early in the season for babies at the moment. what was unusual about this particular sighting is that there were six sandhill cranes in one spot. i have never in my life seen this many just hanging out together, and i've lived in florida for a total of ten years (eight in our current town). it was pretty amazing.

so today was just that, amazing. seeing all of these creatures "hanging out in the 'hood"...i think God was trying to show me something, or at least trying to get me to open up my eyes a little bit more. i think they've been a bit preoccupied with other things to notice His stuff and He was doing what He could to get me to pay a bit of attention...i guess it worked, because now i'm on the lookout for some amazing things. wonder what He's got going on next? i have some ideas, but it may be much more amazing than i could ever even fathom. (thanks for the view God!)

I got the following devotional from the upper room daily devotional...

Jesus said, "Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for bread, will give a stone? Or if the child asks for a fish, will give a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" "In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets." "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction, and there are many who take it. For the gate is narrow and the road is hard that leads to life, and there are few who find it."

-Matthew 7:7-14 (NRSV)


To him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more than all we can ask or imagine, to him be glory.

-Ephesians 3:20-21 (NRSV)

As a friend and I approached the entrance to the retreat center, we noticed the gate was closed with a chain draped around it. We stopped the car and wondered what to do. We honked the horn, but no one responded. We pressed the doorbell, but no one answered. We tried to phone the caretaker, but no one picked up.

After 10 minutes, we were beginning to get frustrated as the hot South African sun climbed higher in the sky. My friend walked up to the gate again and toyed with the padlock. To his surprise, the chain was not locked! He swung open the gate with ease and we entered the grounds, laughing heartily at our foolishness.

Throughout our lives, we encounter many closed doors, barred paths, and shuttered windows. But sometimes we assume that they are locked up tight; we don't even try to open them first. Instead, like my friend and me on that summer day, we worry, fret, and sweat!

The truth is that we have the spirit of God within us. When we are bold enough to attempt what God asks, with God's help, we will find gates swinging wide, pathways clearing, and windows thrown open.

just got me to thinking about stuff...not sure if the door i thought was shut is, but maybe it's time to look for other doors. i've been asking, searching and knocking, but it seems no one is listening...nothing has been given, found or opened lately except the narrow gate on the hard road. maybe at least it's the right direction, but i don't know.

my nights of insomnia magnify things and thoughts whir through my head and keep me up even longer...like tonight...i almost was able to go to sleep at about 1:30 a.m., but this happened and then that happened, and i found myself wide awake at 3:45 and still awake now as i type this at almost 4:30...no rest for the weary, right? all i know is i'm tired of being tired, and waiting for something to happen is driving me insane right now. hopefully things will change soon one way or another, limbo is not a fun place to be.

paul's prayer...

we read this during worship practice last night and i thought it was pretty cool...

"I ask the Father...to give you his Spirit. The Spirit will make you wise and let you understand what it means to know God. My prayer is that light will flood your hearts and that you will understand the hope that was given to you when God called you. Then you will discover the glorious blessings that will be yours together with all God's people. I want you to know about the great and mighty power that God has for his followers...."

~Ephesians 1:17-19

it helped remind me that we are called to do something for God, his calling doesn't changed even if the avenue does. we just need to let the light flood our hearts and remember the hope we have in him, and his blessings will be discovered...

we have truly been blessed. we have some great friends and a wonderful pastor, our family is (mostly) healthy and happy, and all of our needs are provided for. we are truly blessed and need to remember the hope we have in Christ, it's far above anything any person or thing on earth can give us. i think we overlook our blessings much of the time, and definitely take them for granted.

blessings abound, just look around you and you can see them everywhere if you try...may the light flood your heart and help you remember your hope and discover his blessings too...

the body of believers...

i wish the following verses were viewed from a biblical perspective by the church community as a whole. i know pastors agree, and very active church members agree, but i don't think church "attenders" get it. everyone is needed to keep the body of Christ working properly and everyone has a place of importance in order to accomplish the work for the Kingdom that we are placed here to do. but what strikes me most is toward the end about when members suffer... you know, everyone suffers, it seems, in one way or another, but pretty much everyone is unwilling to be open and honest about it. if people would just talk to each other and share their hurts or struggles or frustrations...and be listened to out of love and not out of judgment, the church would be such a better place. if it were only that easy, right? just something to think about and try, it might be new for you, but since we're all suffering anyway, what would it hurt?

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in the one Spirit we were all baptized into one body--Jews or Greeks, slaves or free--and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.

Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot would say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear would say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many members, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you," nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." On the contrary, the members of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and those members of the body that we think less honorable we clothe with greater honor, and our less respectable members are treated with greater respect; whereas our more respectable members do not need this. But God has so arranged the body, giving the greater honor to the inferior member, that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it.

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

-1 Corinthians 12:12-27

a time for every matter under heaven...

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

What gain have the workers from their toil? I have seen the business that God has given to everyone to be busy with. He has made everything suitable for its time; moreover he has put a sense of past and future into their minds, yet they cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; moreover, it is God's gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil. I know that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it; God has done this, so that all should stand in awe before him.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 (NRSV)

again, a passage i've heard/read many times throughout my life, but usually stopping at the end of the "a time for" section. reading "the rest of the story" is kind of cool. i love the part that says "I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; moreover, it is God's gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil."

it just shows me (again) how important it is to love what you do and to enjoy life. for the most part, i have always loved whatever i have been involved in, from my "job" of working with children in an educational setting, to being involved in youth ministry, being involved in worship teams/choirs, and being married to a minister. life always has its ups and downs, but you should definitely enjoy what you're doing, and enjoy life in general...it's what God wants for us! it's always nice to be reminded of things that we tend to "forget" sometimes...and i've been reminded of so many things lately, i'm just in awe of how much i have "forgotten" and how much i have taken for granted.

i guess there's also a time to learn too...

threatening?

i read my devo today, and i "knew" this but it always helps to be reminded. being in ministry, and even more specifically youth ministry, yeah i'd think that's a threat to the enemy... if we weren't doing something right, life would be peachy and we wouldn't keep coming upon difficulties...or at least much more peachy than it is and many less difficulties than we've faced. reading this helps to put things into perspective and in retrospect, God is doing great things, even if i can't see them all of the time. being involved in ministry...it's a dangerous thing to the stronghold of the enemy, and he'll try to stop us if he can...so who do we let win? i'm not going anywhere, a calling is a calling, and the specific area of a calling may change, but being called by God to be in ministry, or be a minister's wife, or whatever it is...it's still there, God doesn't walk away from us or what he's called us to do...to build his kingdom... if you're dealing with uncertainty in where you belong in ministry...just stay involved and the doors will open. but don't walk away, because if you do, the enemy will win...for now anyway...

Are You a Threat?
by Os Hillman


"One day the evil spirit answered them, 'Jesus I know, and I know about Paul, but who are you?'" - Acts 19:15
Are you a threat to the kingdom of darkness? If satan and his demons had a board meeting and your name came before the board, what would they say? Would they say that you are one of their most feared enemies and they needed to keep many demons harassing and opposing you? Or would they say, "Gentlemen, this person poses no threat to our activities. Leave him alone. He needs no help from us." There are millions of church-going believers sitting in pews Sunday after Sunday who pose little threat to the kingdom of darkness.

If we truly believe that we war against rulers and principalities that cannot be seen, then we must realize that their mandate is to hinder any believer who is seeking to walk in the fullness of God. However, "greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world" (1 Jn. 4:4b KJV).

If you are seeking to fully follow the Lord, you can expect harassment from the enemy. God permits temptation because it drives us deeper into the soil of God. These times reveal God's power to keep us and walk us through the temptations. Our message becomes fruitful when it is born out of obedience and suffering for His name. Do not consider it strange if you find yourself fighting major battles the more obedient you become to the Master. God desires each of us to become a feared enemy of hell in order to affect satan's domain. When you begin to feel harassed, chances are you are beginning to affect the kingdom of darkness, and satan doesn't like this. So, how many demons do you think are assigned to you?

hard to get...

so if you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know that i think in song, or at least strongly relate to songs on a regular basis.

sometimes when we don't have a clue as to what God is doing, and can't understand what his purposes are, we want to give up, be neutral or become numb. living the christian life isn't easy, and if you think it is...just wait! today's sermon was about rest, and how we need rest, and sometimes when we can't get the rest we need, at least we have hope that we will find rest when this life is over... but it's still hard to understand God's ways many times.

so this song keeps coming to mind because life is such a roller coaster of ups and downs, valleys and mountaintop experiences, and it's hard to understand sometimes...

"hard to get" by rich mullins...i've blogged it before, but found this "video" that's really an audio of him singing it... because God is sometimes "just plain hard to get"...

trusting God...

that's really hard to do sometimes. i know he will provide all of my needs according to all his riches...i know that he will direct my paths... but to trust that he will, to really trust him, that's harder to do than it sounds like it should be...

today's sermon...

don't worry about supplies... he will provide our needs for food, clothing, bills... money... transportation...

don't worry about shelter... he will provide a place for us to live, sleep, rest...

don't worry about speaking... he will give us the words we need to speak, when we need them... and he gives us people, who need to hear those words, to minister to...

don't worry about suffering... he knows when a sparrow falls, and numbers the hairs on our heads... so he knows when we are in need or hurting...

it is definitely much easier said than done, especially in times of need, but he is there... we just have to trust him to be true to his promises...

arms of love...

tomorrow during worship we're singing "arms of love" and it really touched me during rehearsal because of someone it reminded me of who has passed away since i originally learned the song. she was very influential in the music part of the youth ministry at a former church because she introduced new stuff to her brother who was the main worship leader of our youth group at the time. so the arms of our wonderful loving God have been fresh in my mind this week, and then i read this...

Open Arms
by Max Lucado

If you ever wonder how in the world God could use you to change the world, look at the people God used to change history. A ragbag of ne'er-do-wells and has-beens who found hope, not in their performance, but in God's proverbially open arms.

Abraham- God took what was good and forgave what was bad and used "old forked tongue" to start a nation. Moses- would you call upon a fugitive to carry the Ten Commandments? God did. David- his track record left little to be desired, but his repentant spirit was unquestionable. Jonah- God put him in a whale's belly to bring him back to his senses. But even the whale couldn't stomach this missionary for too long.

On and on the stories go: Elijah, the prophet who pouted; Solomon, the king who knew too much; Jacob, the wheeler-dealer; Gomer, the prostitute; Sarah, the woman who giggled at God. One story after another of God using man's best and overcoming man's worst.

The reassuring lesson is clear. God used (and uses!) people to change the world. People! Not saints or superhumans or geniuses, but people. Crooks, creeps, lovers, and liars--he uses them all. And what they may lack in perfection, God makes up for in love.

Jesus later summarized God's stubborn love with a parable. He told about a teenager who decided that life at the farm was too slow for his tastes. So with pockets full of inheritance money, he set out to find the big time. What he found instead were hangovers, fair-weather friends, and long unemployment lines. When he had had just about as much of the pig's life as he could take, he swallowed his pride, dug his hands deep into his empty pockets, and began the long walk home; all the while rehearsing a speech that he planned to give to his father.

He never used it. Just when he got to the top of the hill, his father, who'd been waiting at the gate, saw him. The boy's words of apology were quickly muffled by the father's words of forgiveness. And the boy's weary body fell into his father's opened arms.

The same open arms welcomed him that had welcomed Abraham, Moses, David, and Jonah. No wagging fingers. No clenched fists. No "I told you so!" slaps or "Where have you been?" interrogations. No crossed arms. No black eyes or fat lips. No. Only sweet, open arms. If you ever wonder how God can use you to make a difference in your world, just look at those he has already used and take heart. Look at the forgiveness found in those open arms and take courage.

And, by the way, never were those arms opened so wide as they were on the Roman cross. One arm extending back into history and the other reaching into the future. An embrace of forgiveness offered for anyone who'll come. A hen gathering her chicks. A father receiving his own. A redeemer redeeming the world.

No wonder they call him the Savior.

from max lucado's book no wonder they call him savior...i received it in email from crosswalk. check it out...

but if i don't break your heart, things will just get worse...

i wanted to make this a whiney post because i don't feel well, but i'm not going to. i'm pregnant so... i'm tired and my baby bump is hurting/achey, but nothing serious, just muscle/ligament cramps...3 1/2 more months of this. at least school's almost over, one more week.

i went to the ob today and had to wait awhile before being called back, so i took the chance to read a couple of chapters from "dancing bones" by patsy clairmont from women of faith. there was a quote that struck me today, so i thought i'd put it here so i don't forget it...

she's speaking of the heartache and loss that people inevitably experience during their lifetime and how a book she received as a gift ("the miraculous journey of edward tulane") was written inside the cover with an epigraph that reads...

"the heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking...."

patsy goes on to say that as she thought about that line, she realized "that if our hearts didn't break, they would burst from pain and we would die." she "never thought about heartbreaks helping us to survive this fractured world we live in, and yet they do."

if you've experienced heartache in any way, which everyone has in some way or another, then this might make sense to you. If we just experience the hurt, but hold it in and don't allow our heart to break or ache because of it, one day we might just explode. it might be an inward explosion, not an outward outburst, but i can definitely see where that could be far more detrimental than allowing yourself to feel and deal with it and try to move on afterward. internalizing eventually brings more pain than getting it all out and dealing with it...

it reminds me of a song by relientk that helped me get through some tough times before, but the lyrics are fitting when thinking about the heartaches and disappointments we face in life, and how best to deal with them. i love this song...

"let it all out"
relientk

rip it out, remove it
don't be alarmed, when the wound begins to bleed

'cause we're so scared to find out (what this life's all about)
so scared we're gonna lose it
and knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today i'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
i will stare at you in disbelief
oh inconsistent me, crying out for consistency

and you said "i know that this will hurt
but if i don't break your heart, then things will just get worse.
if the burden seems too much to bear,
remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

and i'll let it be known (at times i have shown)
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me, there is strength

and you promised me (that you believe)
in time i will defeat this
'cause somewhere in me, there is strength

and today i'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and i'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

and you said "i know that this will hurt
but if i don't break your heart, then things will just get worse.
if the burden seems too much to bear,
remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

and you said "i know that this will hurt
but if i don't break your heart, then things will just get worse.
when the burden seems too much to bear,
remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you, for you

and i know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart
and made it light

i love how God works, and how in the end, all of the pain and disappointment we've endured in this life will be justified when we get to heaven...

read a whole book this morning...

it's called "prison to praise" by merlin carothers. between the book and my devo reading this morning, listening to God is the lesson for the day. that's a hard one, to actually listen for him to speak to you...life is so fast-paced and gets in the way, yet it's important to do.

the other lesson for the day is to learn to praise God and give him thanks in everything...no matter what is going on in your life. thanking him for the bad things, that's another hard one. thank him for the death of a child, or the sickness of a child, or bad relationships, or hardships galore?!? definitely hard. but i think when (if) we learn to do it, the blessings will abound, not necessarily material blessings, but sometimes just the peace of mind that he's in control of everything that happens to us, and his will is being worked in our lives...

i don't know, it's too profound for me to really talk about without sounding like an idiot, but it's what i'm learning today...listen and be thankful.

looking back, it's easy to see where God was working through previous difficult times, where he's led from the beginning, through the difficulties, how things have changed for the good even through those difficulties...it's easy to be thankful for what we see, from where we've been to where he's led us. the key, and difficult task, is to be thankful in the situation you're in now, to know that his will is being worked out, no matter how difficult it may seem at the moment...because later on, you'll be able to see how he has worked in everything surrounding that situation...but the key is to be thankful now, no matter what.

why i blog...

i was sitting here thinking about how life brings changes (losing a child, losing a job, losing friends, or just changes that aren't comfortable, but not necessarily "bad"), and what kind of effect change can have on us...it can be used for good or for bad, depending on how we deal with it. usually, even if a change seems devastating, it can be used for good and i truly believe that God has a purpose for the changes he allows to take place in our lives even if we can't see it at first. because "all things work together for the good of those who are called according to his purpose"...(may not be an exact quote, but you get the jist)

i was thinking also about how change sometimes brings brokenness, and in order to truly be used by God we have to allow ourselves to be broken and let the shattered pieces fall in to the Potter's hands, so he can mend us and make us what he wants us to be, perfectly usable to reach others through our experiences and downfalls. if we are to truly be broken, the walls we've built up have to also be broken down. the saying "God uses cracked pots" came to mind, from the book by patsy clairmont that i read years and years ago. when i first heard the title of that book (way back when) i thought about cracked pots referring to someone who's "cracked in the head" or going a little crazy, or those who seem a little crazy to those around them (i'm sure i fall into that category sometimes too)...but my thought process today brought me around to thinking about brokenness. i did a search on "cracked pots" and found the blurb from the women of faith site which, when discussing patsy's book, says...

"Picture an empty flower pot with a crack down the middle. Now imagine that pot filled with light and covered. Where does the light shine through? THE CRACK! That's how it works with God."

i thought that was awesome, if we allow God to use us, flaws and all, broken pieces too...his light will shine though us, emphasizing our cracks and flaws, and even so, his power will be revealed in spite of, and because of, our flaws.

another quote i came across in my search for the term "cracked pots" was from another blog talking about how God uses broken things. it said:

"We are all cracked pots. Our brokenness is “mendable” only by the powerful working of God’s matchless grace. Though we sometimes try to hide the cracks, they are still visible. We’d all be better off, in my estimation, if we didn’t try to conceal them at all. In fact, it would probably bless a lot of people if we would be willing to put all our broken dishes on the table, exposing our brokenness to the world. This way all who get close to us can marvel at God’s handiwork in putting us back together. It just might be that when others see how highly valued we are to our loving Father who mends our brokenness, they might get the sense that God cherishes them, as well."

this is exactly why i started blogging in the first place, to be real, put my experiences out there, and to share my heart...good, bad and ugly...whole, cracked or broken... my hope is (and has been) to help others see where i am, where i've been, and where i am going, and it's not always pretty and roses...(and sometimes my life/blog have been just plain unremarkable and boring) but hopefully i can show that God can use anyone, flaws and all, to touch lives and change hearts. because goodness knows, i'm one of the most cracked pots out there, but God is still working in my life and as long as he's still working on me, i'm still able to show others the marvel that is God...using cracked pots.

it's risky, it may even seem a little dumb, but hopefully someone can relate and be reminded that God can use them no matter what has happened in their life too...

devo link...

i added the link to the "today God is first" devo that i've started reading this week. it's amazingly good! check it out, you can even get it emailed to you daily. if you don't read a daily devo, or are looking for something new, definitely give this one a try!

today's devo is about jacob wrestling with God, striving with him in the right kind of way to receive God's blessings on his life, coming to a place of complete brokenness and surrender, able to lean on God alone. if you're struggling with things in life, job, finances, health problems, relationships...and if you're trying to deal with them yourself instead of relying on him...he just might be taking you through this process of dealing with these things as his method to prepare you for what he wants for you...we have an inheritance from him, waiting to be given to us...which can only be received when God brings us to total dependence on him. are you depending fully on him, or does he need to use life situations to get your attention? i know i struggle with that, it's easier (in my mind at least) to suck it up and deal with it on my own...but i can't control what happens in my life any more than i can control the weather. i can't control what happens in the area of jobs and finances, only God can. i can't heal my son, only God can. i can't control how other people react and respond to me, only God can. all i can do is pray and trust in him...surrender it all completely to him to take care of so that his blessings can be poured out in my life...more abundantly than i can even imagine.

like i said before...i'm on a free fall...totally allowing God to take control...it's a good place to be...so take a chance and try it!

"suck it up and worship God anyway"...?!?

yep, that's a comment i heard tonight... i can't exactly remember the context, but it was hilarious at the time.

but think about it... no matter what you're going through, no matter what's happening, God's already proven his love for us because he sent his son for us, to forgive us, to make a way to have a relationship with us... no matter what life brings, he's more than enough for us, to get us through it, to carry us when necessary, to lift us back up and to give us hope and peace...

a couple of things that stood out to me as we were singing and i was worshipping with friends...

you are my supply, my breath of life, still more awesome than i know
you are my reward, worth living for, still more awesome than i know

you’re my sacrifice, of greatest price, still more awesome than i know
you’re the coming king, you are everything, still more awesome than i know

all of you is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me with your love and all i have in you is more than enough

and...

blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful
where your streams of abundance flow, blessed be Your name

blessed be your name when i'm found in the desert place
though i walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name

blessed be your name when the sun's shining down on me
when the world's 'all as it should be', blessed be Your name

blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering
though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name

so yeah, suck it up and worship God anyway...you'll be glad you did.

take note of the side bar...

the verse that i've had there forever and a day...it was posted on my computer screen for the past couple of weeks. why? i have no idea, i was just playing with the "stickies" and decided to put it up there...basically worded the same way it is in the sidebar.

the other night was rough...really rough. i was ready to walk away from all that i've lived for and believed for almost as long as i can remember. i had no hope, felt no prosperity, the future was not looking good...not that night, or even the next morning. it happened again...i felt my world falling apart around me and could not see any good in the situation at all. i was blindsided out of nowhere and it threw me for a loop. so i was walking away from it...and the sticky on my computer got deleted.

then yesterday things were bettering themselves...still not sure what the next phase is going to be, but slow improvements at least in my mind...in myself. not worrying about them, just trying not to totally lose me in the midst of it all. (i know, i'm talking in circles...deal with it. lol)

so yesterday i knew people were praying for me, us, this, all of it...not me, i just couldn't. but then i was reminded of that verse (romans 8:26-27) where it says "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. and he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." i was writing in an email that i couldn't pray...and then thought of this verse and how when we don't know what to pray or can't pray...the Spirit searches our hearts and goes to God for us when we can't pray...he's still interceding for us... so profound to me because in my hopelessness and despair...my heart was being felt and heard by God.

so today, i go back to look up jeremiah 29 and read the whole surrounding passage again (first time in awhile)...here's what i have quoted from it now (on my screen)..."I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back...for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back...
~~Jeremiah 29:10-14

i will come to you...

i will fulfill my gracious promise...

i will bring you back...

i have plans to prosper you, not harm you...

i have plans to give you a hope...

i have plans to give you a future...

you will call up on me...

you will come and pray to me...

i will listen to you...

you will seek me...

you will find me...

you will seek with all your heart...

i will be found by you...

i will bring you back...

even though i couldn't pray, couldn't look for him and his presence, my heart was crying out, was seeking to find him and to be brought back...because he has plans for me...to give me a hope and a future...to prosper me...

everything is not all rosy, i still haven't been able to just sit and pray...but this realization, that intercession is being done by the Spirit to the Father for me...wow. this hasn't been fun, it's going to take a lot to make things all okay, but i think i needed this...i think i needed to be hopeless and desperate...i needed to be brought back...

as always, it's a work in progress...

amazed again...

as i mentioned yesterday, jerry delivered the sermon today. i'm not being biased at all, but boy was it good! it never ceases to amaze me how his sermons come together, and usually at the last minute because that's how he and God seem to work best together, and they are so good.

most mornings i sit through two services, so i tend to space out during one of them. this morning i took over youth for the first service and only went to the second one (i had a week off from the worship team since nick had his surgery and is still recovering).

this morning jerry spoke from ezekiel from the passage where he has a vision of the river and goes in to the ankles, then to the knees, then to the waist, and then it's deep and the current is too strong to swim or be in control of the situation. he likened it to how we should be...many of us are in to the ankles, knees or even waist deep, but we haven't come to that place in our relationship with Christ where we will just go in to where it's so deep and so strong that the only way to live is to let Him be in control and take over our lives completely. we want to be in control of something and can't just let the river take us where it may, but that's where the biggest blessings are...the passage talks about fruit trees that bear fruit monthly, and abundant life from the nourishment the water from the river brings...

...i'm jumping in! (or at least trying...i'm a control freak, so that's a hard one!)

amazing grace...

"amazing because it is"....so true! that's the title to a song by the almost but it's what comes to mind when i think of my church too. grace community amazes me more and more the longer i'm there. the love and understanding that's shown to everyone who needs it from almost everyone else....it is truly amazing! i'm so glad we're there and can't think of a better place to be "exploring grace, experiencing growth, and extending God's love" while "building a better community by God's grace". worship this morning was amazing (at least from my viewpoint on the worship team--both experienced by me, and observed in others), and the message was even more so.

i'll leave you with a video and the lyrics of our closing song (by matthew west), which brought me to tears at the end of both services....



only grace

there is no guilt here
there is no shame
no pointing fingers
there is no blame
what happened yesterday
has disappeared
the dirt has washed away
and now it's clear

there's only grace
there's only love
there's only mercy and believe me it's enough
your sins are gone
without a trace
there's nothing left now
there's only grace

you're starting over now
under the sun
you're stepping forward now
a new life has begun
your new life has begun

there's only grace
there's only love
there's only mercy and believe me it's enough
your sins are gone
without a trace
there's nothing left now
there's only grace

and if you should fall again
get back up, get back up
reach out and take my hand
get back up, get back up
get back up again
get back up again

there's only grace
there's only love
there's only mercy and believe me it's enough
your sins are gone
without a trace
there's nothing left now
there's only grace

fresh start...

sometimes it's nice to think "that happened last year" and consider that you can start fresh on goals you want to accomplish.

i'm not so great at keeping resolutions, but i do have some goals i'd like to attain this year...

1.) there's always the "lose weight" resolution. mine is to lose weight, yes, but to change my lifestyle habits to be healthy and keep the weight off. my focus is going to be on losing the fat, gaining muscle, getting stronger and healthier, with the help of transitions. if you're interested in learning more about it, let me know because that brings me to #2...

2.) i'm starting my own business, with a focus on healthy living. the main focus is going to be on offering weightloss classes and health supplements (see above link). on the side, i'll be selling some websites, because that's where the quick cash is, and i'd love to take a leave of absence from my job at school to do #3... my goal is to get my business going in such a way that i can afford to take a leave of absence, and jerry can quit being bi-vocational and focus 100% on youth ministry, even if he's only getting paid part-time.

3.) i've enrolled in 15 credit hours of classes to finish my degree....finally!!! i can't believe it's been over 14 years since i left college and never took the opportunity to go back and finish. that adds up to a lot of bucks lost, so i try not to think about it. lol my goal here is to get good grades, be organized (juggling this and all the rest of my life will be quite the feat), and if at all possible graduate by the end of this year. if i can take a leave of absence at least for the fall semester, i could take enough classes to finish by then.

4.) my biggest goal is concerning family/home stuff. with everything listed above, schedules are going to be crazy. my goal is to rock at time management so that we can have quality family time, while juggling everything else. i want my relationships with my husband and kids to grow stronger than they've ever been (we're getting ready to enter the teen years here, which is scary), and in order to do that, i'm going to focus on strengthening my spiritual life too. i let myself be too busy to really focus on it most of the time, so my goal is to manage my time in such a way that it will be a priority and my family will reap the benefits of my relationship with God.

so there you have it, nothing flashy or fancy, just my goals for the new start a new year brings...

"let's hope it's a good one....without any tears!" (that's my motto for the year, too many tears in previous years!)

i will lift my eyes...

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it
together, God

this song is by bebo norman. i heard it for the first time at camp this past summer and it was just so eye opening to hear the words and feel them at the same time. i haven't heard the song in awhile and i was singing it today...just wanted to post it here to help me remember...