I had a dream this morning I can't shake. It's been almost 6 months, things are turning for the better.....but still I have this feeling of sadness about what could've been if things weren't so stupid. Oh well, it's in the past. I just had a weird dream that made me sad, there were many good things amidst the struggles and stupidity....but it wasn't up to me, was it? Is it ever? I'm just along for the ride in this thing we call life and youth ministry. I try to take the wheel at times, but the road never goes where I think it should, and it's a much rougher road than I had mapped out. I miss being uber-immersed in full-time ministry, taking up all of our spare time and extra energy. Yes, we're on the verge of doing that again, and that will probably help things have a better perspective. But until then, my desire is to do that and yet we're not. I miss being "the youth pastor's wife". I miss having my kids being around great older kids whom they look up to....kids who are pretty good influences on my own children. I miss the silly stories, and funny episodes of throwing socks in people's cars in downtown Orlando, drinking Green Tea, everyone yelling "safety" (yeah, I know, that one makes me sound pathetic)....I'm just a big kid really and I miss hanging out and having a positive influence on the youth who are led into my life. I miss it and when it starts up again, it won't be soon enough.
Doesn't it seem weird, how when you're in the midst of all of the stress and crap that youth ministry can deal out you think about other things you could be doing that would make your life much less chaotic....but then when you're not doing it, you can't think of anything you'd rather do than be in youth ministry? Youth ministry....such a weird animal!
Hopefully in a month or two we'll be drowning in activity and I won't have weird dreams that make me sad!
