goodness, it's been a long month...

since i last posted. actually a little over a month now! sorry i've been m.i.a.

nick had to have sinus surgery again (he had it last april over spring break...which is where we are now, april and spring break...), the first one was on february 26th. he had polyps form in his nasal passageways and nearly close them off, so he also ended up with a staph and fungal infection in his sinuses. poor kid! two weeks later he went for procedure number 2 and they did a culture of his snot and found out he had pseudomonas bacterial infection in his sinuses and put him on cipro. four days into the treatment he developed weird vision changes where his eyes were seeing things in weird colors. we ended up having to take him to the optometrist to be checked for eye damage and changed his antibiotics. between all of that and school projects for both kids, it's been an interesting month to say the least!

...and now i'm behind on my class work and am desperately trying to catch up on everything. i'm almost caught up on three classes, am caught up fine on another, and have three others to work on...nothing like taking 7 college courses like an insane maniac, it's been interesting! my financial aid check finally came...and went quickly too. it was nice to be caught up on bills for a few weeks, now we're back to trying to juggle it all. i know everything will work out, so i'm not letting myself stress over it, it always works out one way or another.

so here we are on spring break (the kids are anyway) and it's chilly out, so we haven't headed to the beach like i'd hoped or done much of anything else. no biggie, there's plenty that needs done around here and there's not a lot of time for running around right now. i am hoping we can hit the beach this weekend though, it would be nice to get some great beach-y shots of the kids. thad's 7 months old now, it's high time the boy went to the beach!

i don't want to go...

the more i've thought about it, the more i do not want to go to kansas this summer. i haven't seen my brothers in 6 years, or my nieces and nephews, so i would love to see them of course. but since i'm on leave, money is really tight and i honestly don't know how we'll be able to swing a trip out there at all. on top of that, nick now needs sinus surgery (yes, again) because of his allergies. kansas in june = wheat harvest + johnson grass...not a good equation for a kid with bad allergies, especially after surgery. so we'll see.

i've started looking for a job of some kind, but with taking 7 college classes and dealing with a baby and older kids too, that's going to be really hard. i need to make a certain amount if i do go to work to make it worth my time, otherwise, there's no need to bother. we'll see there too.

i wish i could just snap my fingers and fix everything that is not going well around here, but i can't. so i don't dwell on it all and figure it will all turn out okay in the end...even though the end isn't in sight at times.

it's 3 a.m. i just folded a bunch of laundry, filled the dryer and re-filled the washer. i have school assignments to do, i need to clean the house for the sitter for today, and i need to go back to sleep. i think i'll go back to bed for a couple of hours and then get up and do the quick-clean for the sitter's arrival. i do need sleep...

okay, enough for my middle-of-the-night ramblings, i doubt they make a lot of sense!

14 years ago today...

nick's 3rd b'day...

i was in the hospital in orlando, fl snuggling with my first new baby boy. wow, i can hardly believe it has been that long since i became a mommy! what's even harder to imagine is all of the things that life has brought in those 14 years. a lot of changes and a lot of tough times, but a lot of great times too. one of these days i'll get my scanner going and upload some great pics of when he was little and we'll take a little "walk down memory lane" (much to his chagrin, i'm sure!)...

my favorite picture of him as a little boy is when we were on a pastor's retreat at snowshoe, wv in august. the retreat was over and we were heading home and decided to take a detour to summit lake and look around a bit. there was an old hand pump water well right in the middle of the area between the lake and parking lot and we decided to show nick how it works. you pump the handle, wait, then the water comes out. he saw this happen a couple of times and would try to get a drink of the water but it would stop before he could get any. he decided to put his head up there to get a drink as jerry was pumping it, and he ended up soaked. i got a picture of it just as the water was coming down on his head! (i just remembered...this is the summer the "macarena" came out and we were watching something about it on the tv in the room at snowshoe...that's where we learned the dance. haha)

some of my favorite memories of when he was little is how much he loved super heroes. he could climb like spiderman through the hallway at his grandma's house. he would climb up the wall at the living room end of the hall until he was at least 4-5 feet up the wall, then he would climb the length of the hall at that height! one time he thought he was superman and wanted to try to fly off the 4th level of a parking garage...luckily i figured out why he wanted to look over the edge! another time he insisted he needed his superman pajamas to be in his diaper bag at church (because i wouldn't let him wear it to church)...when i went to pick him up the lady in the nursery had let him put the shirt on, cape and all, and he took off running around the church grounds with his arms out the sides, cape blowing in the wind and yelling "i'm superman, i'm superman!" as he was weaving in and out between the church members...good times!

now he's 14, he still makes me laugh on a daily basis, and he gives me at least three hugs every night before he finally makes it into his room to go to bed. he is turning into such a great guy, not that i ever doubted he would, but it makes me so satisfied to see how he is turning out. through all of the changes, tough times and all, he is amazing!

i'll close this post with an essay he wrote for school this week:

Changing Diversity
by Nick Bolt


“It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.”
– C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis’ outlook is that of which we should all strive to emulate. We better our selves, change ourselves, or else we will become gangrenous. However, we must take small steps, because you cannot aim above your resources and ability. Things must be immediately attainable with ability to serve in the future. For me, it is getting a college education so I can better serve my community. I then can go into the work field and support my views with tangible monetary backing. I can encourage better recycling programs and suggest new ways to make cleaner power. My voice could back lessons that are more diverse in the classroom, so that students can learn about different social groups for more than just a month at a time.

Indeed a college degree helps one’s chances of positively impacting their community, but there are different levels. Monetarily contributing to certain causes with income gained through your college education. A degree isn’t always necessary, many people create new charities and projects that unfortunately rely on donations. Though seldom successfully combined, a person who manages to back their own cause can succeed more than the latter examples. Personally, I hope to enter the field of Biomedical Engineering, a lucrative career path where I could sustain my own projects and help to better the state of Florida.

For instance, I would like to see more eco-friendly energy sources of power. A great addition to a “green” source of power would be a way to recycle simultaneously. With processes that can turn landfills into methane energy, it is definitely possible.

Eventually I would also like to see more, maybe organize, assorted themes in subjects like American and World History. Instead of focusing on African American views during certain events in history for a single month, show them more often through the whole of a curriculum. These short periods seem overly pandering and sometimes malodorous. By incorporating these concepts into everyday lessons, students can have an open view of events in the world and our country. While parents may continually instill their passively biased views, eventually broad-minded outlooks of future generations will abolish these dauntingly narrow-minded ideals.

In brief, my plans to better our state and my community are rooted in various areas, though all stem from one main obstacle, higher education. My hopes of alternative recycling-based electricity and diverse historical views in textbooks could be fulfilled by anyone with the determination to do so. To like-minded people who wish for such high goals, I would urge them to heed the words of Mother Teresa, a forerunner in diversity around the world, “Do not wait for leaders: do it alone, person to person.”

whiney...

everyone seemed to be whiney this morning! now that they're all gone, i'm feeling a bit whiney myself!

i'm still tired, would love to go back to bed. my back is killing me, but i don't have time to go to the chiropractor today. i have assignments for school that i don't feel like doing, but they're due today, so i have no choice. laundry is (as usual) overwhelming...there has to be a better system, or actually "a" system, that i can follow. it's raining and getting colder as the day goes on...not a big deal, until you consider the fact that we have a first round soccer tournament game this evening out in the crud. today would be a perfect day to have chili simmering in the crockpot for dinner, hot coffee brewing all day long, and snuggling up in bed under my comfy blankies in my pj's with thad and watching all of the recorded things on the dvr that i haven't had time to catch up on...but i can't because i have laundry and assignments to do. wah. (see? i'm whiney)

so instead, i'll skip the tv, snuggling and chili, and settle for my joffrey's "jamaican me crazy" coffee brewing in the pot...it smells divine. hopefully the caffeine and taste will lift my mood, my headache, and give me a burst of energy so i can do these dreaded assignments!

things i want to do...

seem to always get pushed aside for things i "need" to do. especially now that a new semester has begun, my time is yet again spoken for in ways that i don't "want" it to be.

i want to sew some things, i need to sew some others. i need to knit some things, i want to knit some others. i want to paint some stuff, i need to paint the walls. ...you get the jist.

so how does one figure out how to juggle it all? i'm not sure yet, but if you have any suggestions, i'm all ears! time management and organization are not my strongest skills. help! lol

i think that the first focus needs to be the nursery...paint the walls, paint the armoire, sew the dust ruffle, rocker cushions, curtains, etc. and hang (and buy) pictures for the walls.

so my goal is to do something every day to work on the nursery. i washed the fabric ready to be sewn yesterday. today i think i will cut the fabric for the dust ruffle. i want to make it tailored looking, so i think i'm going to do box pleats at the corners and not gather it. tomorrow's goal will be to sew it together (if i don't do it today)...after i get back from doing some of my practicum hours for most of the day...

and i went with choice number 3!

i went out into the garage for a little while last night, with laptop in tow, and posted a ton of messages to my local freecycle with stuff to get rid of. now i hope there will be takers so i can get rid of a bunch of this junk. if you need children's vhs movies, let me know i can hook you up! i also have a bunch of things that i am either going to offer for barter or try to sell on etsy, there are a few old "country woman" magazines, and a ton of handmade crocheted doilies and other handmade linen type things that i acquired from freecycle quite awhile back and have realized i really will not do anything with them and it would be better for someone to enjoy them than for me to have them stored in my garage where i haven't touched them since i got them. i can't wait to go through all of this junk and purge a ton of it! i need to simplify my life, and there's once place i can start. if i can actually make some money from some of it, i will be ecstatic!

after i take care of some other pressing matters this morning, i plan to pull out the handy dandy sewing machine and start on a few projects i havne't begun yet. i have quite the list. check out my "katee did" blog to see the progress of things i'm making...but don't check for a couple of days, give me a chance to actually "do" something! :)

okay, hoping today is a good day. maybe miracles do happen.

sigh...

i'll be glad when today is over, it's been so bleh. i'm stressing and it doesn't seem as if anyone wants to work with me like i need them too. i'm tired of dealing with people, especially when they won't give even a little. oh well, this too shall pass, right? it always does. i'm just overwhelmed this week, i guess that's what i get for having 3 weeks of almost bliss...

i need to do something productive to get my mind off of stuff...do i knit, sew, or clean in the garage?!? choices, choices...

oh yeah, my mom called from the ER. my dad (step-dad) fell today and hit his head, had a hard time getting up, drove himself to the doctor and was told to go to the ER. i think he's okay, but it didn't help my mood...

bleh...

kids are back at school and i almost feel depressed about it. i like having my kids around, and i like not having to get up and go to work every day. i'd love to homeschool, but they're already too assimilated into their lives at school, so i'd hate to change that around, especially with one entering high school next year. oh well, cest la vie...

so what have i done today? absolutely nothing! i slept in after the kids left because i've been toting around a headache for 3-4 days now. i guess i need to get to the chiropractor, but i hate to spend the money on it...but i'm useless with this headache, so it's probably worth the cost.

okay, that's enough of my funk...

...i'm off to get some stuff done. thad's asleep, there's a pile of laundry on my loveseat in the family room, and i have some errands to run...maybe i'll feel more useful once i get something accomplished.

off to take some excedrin first...

resolutions?

i don't usually do well with following through on my new year's resolutions, so i'm not going to set myself up for major failure. but there are things that i want to accomplish this year, so i'll list a few of them here (in no particular order, just as they come to mind)...

1. graduate from college in may and get my fl certification
2. lose weight following the transitions lifestyle system (i would like to be in a size 10, maybe 8, by 2010)
3. become more organized in every aspect of my life...(sort/purge/organize everything at home, get finances in order to be set to buy a home, manage time better, etc.)
4. build my unfranchise so that one of us can stay home with thad indefinitely
5. take time to do things "i" like to do...sewing, knitting, reading, decorating, etc.
6. spend more time with my kids, doing things besides watching tv or griping at them
7. go on more dates with my hubby
8. do the couch-2-5k program and begin running with my hubby
9. grow spiritually more than i have in a long while
10. take time to smell the roses and become as "green" as possible

okay, wow...

it's been forever since i last posted! yikes! i have been putting some pics of the kids on our family blog and trying to keep that updated for grandparents, so you might look there too. :)

so it's new year's eve, and boy has it been quite a year! lots of changes for sure! i went back to college in january, after getting financial aid worked out to do so. the day before classes began (in january) i found out i was pregnant with thad...boy was that a surprise!!! nick had the unexplained headaches, which ended up in surgery and a staph infection. there have been new directions for church, ministry and life in general... it's been quite an interesting year for sure!

i'm looking forward to the new year, i am expecting great things!

blackjack 2 and the bible?!?

i thought it was really cool that jerry took his new phone today and was using it to take jeff's sermon notes. lol on top of that, he sent them to my cell phone in a text message...wow, technology never ceases to amaze me! (as long as it doesn't become independently intelligent like it did in i-robot...which i watched tonight for the first time!) i can't wait until august when i can upgrade my phone...i'm not sure what kind of cool gadget-y one i want to get, but it had better be as cool as jerry's!

only one service at church today...
dinner with the fam...
long afternoon nap...
youth group...
target...
movies...
...priceless!

i love laidback weekends, especially when things seem to be going smoothly and life is good!!!

next weekend...tubing!!!

quote of the day...

"basic instincts are actually reliable but get ignored by arrogant sophistication." ~c.s. lewis

i was reading over the feedback from my humanities professor and he quoted lewis in two different areas in regards to my "art and aesthetics" report. the above quote was in regard to the review i did on an article talking about how art now often has a political meaning behind it and isn't just done for art's sake (meaning quality, technique, etc.)

but as i mulled over the quote a little more, i have decided that i like that quote in application of much of "real life" stuff too. i have a tendency to get a gut instinct about something or someone and am usually right in the long run (and in hindsight). but sometimes i find i overlook my first impression of something because of charisma or common interest or aura or appearance of it...when all along my gut instinct was correct and i didn't want it to be...or out of trying to be politically correct or kind-hearted or non-judgmental or in trying to do the right thing (in others' eyes) i didn't allow myself to follow what i felt was the correct thing from the beginning. it's a lesson i've had to learn several times, just go with your gut...(i hope that doesn't imply that i'm arrogant...but i'm sure most people don't think i'm very sophisticated, and i really hope i'm not perceived as being arrogant either!)

interesting...

busy week...

and exhausting too.

we've had some interesting things come up this week, but by and large it's all working out rather well. hopefully one incident will work itself out in our favor, so far it looks good at least. :)

school's over, finally, so now i can concentrate on my college courses (summer semester started this week) and hopefully my business too. my main goal this summer is to get uber organized. all of my school stuff is here, so i plan to go through it, organize it, and purge stuff too. same with my sewing stuff, and everything stored in the garage. we're almost drowning in baby stuff now too, so i need to go through and organize all of it too until we decide what we're doing for his room, and if we're going to move to a bigger place or not...the procrastinating perfectionist in me is going to go insane this year, but it all needs done. next week my goal is to get the whole house in order, including all laundry and closets...it's been so neglected lately!

but first, i'm going to relax tomorrow (after i go to a committee meeting early), do whatever i need to for my classes this week, and just enjoy my first (almost) full day of summer break. this weekend, we're going to have some fun family time, and put off the worrying about anything else until next week.

tonight at worship practice was great. even though i was exhausted and hurting from being on my feet and moving stuff all day, it was refreshing to be there, singing about God and thinking only about the songs we were practicing and singing for him. i've allowed myself to be too busy this week to focus on prayer and study like i should, but my daily devo reading has been kept up at least, to keep me a little sane through it all. God is good, and blessing us and taking care of us, so i'm just trying to put everything in his hands and not fret about anything...that's a toughie for me, but it gets easier with practice.

going to crash now...so...tired...

it's the final countdown...

woohoo! this is the final weekend of the school year.

i have 4 days until i'm "free" for the summer.

i have 3 days left with students.

i have 2 lunch duties left to do.

then i will have 1 year off of work to finish my degree and get my certification...

today was a great day...my two teams from school held a baby shower for me and i got a lot of really cute stuff, and had some great friends show up to hang out for awhile. they rock! i will definitely miss my co-workers while i'm on leave next year, but luckily i can volunteer and get involved with the pta and be on the sac committee, so it's not like i'm moving away or whatever. i take them for granted sometimes because we don't get to hang out outside of work, but i do have some really great friends, who are there for me whenever i really need them, and that's what matters most when it comes to friends, right? being there no matter what. still loving you even after you've aggravated each other. and always available for a good laugh and a good time...

i will miss the daily adult interaction, but it's going to be so great having some time to breathe a little, focus on the college courses and snuggle with the new baby bundle when he arrives...

summer break is almost here!!!

countin' down....

ahhhh! (that's me, sighing in relief that the end is in sight...)

i have 7 days total left of work.

i have 6 days left with students.

i have 5 days left of lunch duty. (that's the most exciting one of all!!!)

i'm so ready for summer break, time to spend with my kids, time to take more classes (12 hours), time to relax, and time to grow a baby......

sleepin' in, staying up late...

yep, can't wait!

relaxing weekend...

it's just what i needed! it started off friday evening with elisabeth and i attending a friend's play and eating dinner with their family afterward, just some good hang-out time with friends...(jerry and nick went to see the new indiana jones movie with other friends)

saturday, i slept in a bit and then registered for baby stuff at target with elisabeth, went to a cookout at another friend's home, and just enjoyed more hang-out time with friends and new acquaintances...(jerry and nick went to the big backyard bbq or whatever it's called, to see "the almost" and some other bands, they had a great time too!) i also was able to pick up a crib, mattress, toddler bed and stroller for the baby...all free, from other friends, and am excited and blessed to have this stuff to start preparing for our new addition to the family.

it was nice, just taking some time to relax and not stress about anything...we need more days, weekends, weeks like that for sure!

today was great too. we went to church, a church we dearly love...worship time was amazing for me, the songs were just perfect...the message was amazingly right on what i needed to hear (just like last week's was also)...there was an awesome time of prayer and sense of God's presence there too... i have been convicted the past couple of weeks that i need to pray more for our church, our pastor, our families, our community, and what God is trying to do here, and the message today just reiterated that to me, convicting me more and more that God has been saying the same thing that was spoken of during the message. i feel so blessed to have been brought to this place of worship and service, and can't imagine being anywhere else to worship and serve God and hear his word...

dinner with the family, a nice long sunday afternoon nap...all a perfect ending to a perfect weekend...and i still have another day to go! i feel refreshed and rejuvenated, ready to focus on what's next...i hope your weekend was just as refreshing and relaxing too!

quit praying already...

(not really...)

not going into details at all, but it's a dejavue situation...but it's different too...and i think much more prayer into all of it. not from me right now, that's for sure, but from others who really are sincerely looking for God's will.

besides todd (who posted), i know others are, and darn those people who pray, they actually make things change! last night was bad. this morning was bad. mid-morning was better. lunch was actually good. afternoon okay...then bad again for awhile. evening better again. and now (after a long email and a long talk, and a glass of wine--yes, even though i'm pregnant, so go ahead and judge me...) and i know a lot of prayer from somewhere besides me....it's better. it's not good, it's not great, but it's better. some clarity, some hope, some hugs and i know there's a lot of love...it's not hopeless, though it's not fun. it's not so devastating, though it's disappointing. it's not so detrimental, it may even be a good thing...

so quit praying....not!

please keep praying, i might come around a lot quicker if you do. i might actually come out of this better than when i went into it...that would be new, and i guess that would be a reason for it to be this way.

just taking a step back, taking a deep breath, and trying to figure out what's next, where this is heading, and how this is going to go...it might actually get a little interesting...and in a good way too.

stay tuned...

wow...i'm exhausted!

so nick is still sick, and we're going in for another ct scan next week because he still doesn't feel great after being on antibiotics for almost 2 weeks because of the staph infection. he went to school for 1 1/2 days this past week.

i've finished 3 of my classes: OT survey, math applications, and psych testing and eval.... i, so far, have gotten all a's!!! i have to finish biblical worldview and personal evangelism in the next week or so. soon it'll be 15 hours down and 34 to go... i'll be registering for 4 more classes this summer, then 4 in the fall also. that should be interesting with labor, delivery and a newborn thrown into the mix! at least i won't be working...

there are only 3 1/2 weeks left of school....yay! i can't wait to be finished with being an instructional assistant! if i go back for the 09-10 school year, i'll be a teacher, not an ia. (i say "if" because i'm hoping to build our business enough that i can just do that and not "have" to go back to working a regular job...though i may decide to just because i love working with kids...we'll see.) i'm taking next year off to be a stay-home mommy and full-time college student...and work on our business. i think that will be enough to do with my time, don't you?

last night we went to the school carnival from 6-9, and then jerry and i went to the wrhs relay for life for a couple of hours. i'm fighting a cold or allergies or something, and can't sleep lying down, so i had the pleasure of trying to stay propped up on the sofa all last night to sleep...i feel like a train wreck!

today is the mother's day tea with the ladies in our church. i almost forgot about it. i hope it's casual, because i will be! i am not dressing up for it...not that i could anyway, i'm very limited in my wardrobe choices these days!

okay, well it's time for me to lounge around some more...hopefully this headache and stopped up nose and exhaustion will go away so i can think and focus on some schoolwork later this afternoon!

it went too fast...

spring break is basically over, we have today and tomorrow and then it's back to school. jerry's preaching tomorrow, so today will be focused on that for him, and then of course church is tomorrow so there's the weekend.

nick's surgery went well. he seems to be recovering rather well too, but last night he was getting a headache from the inflammation. he's been running a lowgrade temp and his poor little face was looking kind of puffy and swollen, but he's a trooper and in a good mood for the most part. i just pray that this will be the "cure" for his headaches. the poor guy has missed over 40 days of school this year and has a few he has to miss coming up for his follow-up and other appointments too. it's been quite a year for him.

i've done almost nothing for my classes this week, i've done some but not as much as i'd hoped. i've also done almost nothing around the house this week either. so i decided to get motivated yesterday and was spray painting furniture that needed refurbished, moving big bins and boxes around in the garage, moving furniture, doing laundry...and i barely put a dent in what needs done and killed my back in the meantime. jerry was aggravated at me for not having him move the heavy stuff...as well he should've been, it was dumb. i'm feeling fine today though, so i'm going to continue to finish the laundry and do the regular cleaning that needs done (vacuuming, mopping, bathrooms, kids' rooms, etc.) but i'm going to put the kids to work on some of it too, at least elisabeth...maybe nick depending on how he's feeling. my nesting instincts have started in, i just haven't had a lot of motivation and energy to do anything about it.

i can feel "sparky" moving quite a bit now, it's kinda cool. i'm still in shock at having another kid, but starting to get excited about meeting this new little one too. i have an ob appointment on monday, hopefully my weight gain hasn't been too bad, but i'm not going to hold my breath. i actually haven't been eating a lot, but we'll see. (i was supposed to be on my way to my skinny, in-shape self right now...not gaining weight! ahhh!) i have an ultrasound in a couple of weeks, so hopefully we'll see the "goods" and know what we're having...

much to do, and the weekend's getting away...

where's the 'pause' button?

i wish i had a remote control to manage parts of my life. just think about it. things you messed up or want to redo would simply be a little 'rewind', and you could press 'pause' when you needed a break. things you don't want to slip away too fast could be played in 'slow motion', things that aren't pleasant could be passed over by a quick flick of the 'fast forward' button. when things just get too unruly or overwhelming, you simply press 'stop'.

i'm sure there are many things everyone would love to 'rewind' and do-over, but sometimes i'd like to rewind just to have that time back. i'm not sure i'd 'fast foward' through much (except sicknesses and unpleasant situations). i'd hate to miss out on the growth you get from living through tough times (though if they went a little faster, it wouldn't be all bad), and if i fixed all of my mistakes, would i ever learn from them?

so really, all i wish i could do is hit 'pause' every now and then. sometimes i'd just hit it to enjoy the moment a little longer, to savor the experience and make sure i remember it perfectly.

but more than anything, i'd love to have a 'pause' button....just so i could take a break from life...

...from working full-time in a job that is too dumbed-down for my full potential, where i'm the peon of people who do a mediocre job at best sometimes and i could surpass their skills if i had their credentials...

...from dealing with a sick kid whose issues are still undiagnosed except for the word "chronic" being thrown around for everything (chronic sinusitis, chronic headaches, chronic asthma, blah, blah, blah) and no one can seem to figure out how to help stop a chronic situation so this kid can have a normal life...

...from the morning sickness and nausea and exhaustion of being pregnant...

...from trying to finish my college degree as a 35 year-old working mom...

...from...

...from...

...from...

...

my list could go on, but since i don't have a remote control with a 'pause' button for my life, i vent in a blog and then jump back into life...

...and try to live it to the fullest, even if mine seems to be too full at times!