Though the fig tree does not bud...

This morning at church, the service was done completely differently than usual. There were no praise and worship songs, no music at all--unless you count the background music while reading Scripture on the screen, and it was really refreshing to me, that we were able to "be still" and still worship!

The Scripture that stood out the most to me was Habakkuk 3:17-19..."Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovreign LORD is my strength; he akes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

What really hit me during the service this morning is how barren our life feels right now because of how much we desire to serve in ministry and it seems that nothing is really happening in that direction. But when I read that Scripture and listened to the message, I realized that I haven't been rejoicing in the Lord, I haven't been joyful in Him and I haven't been allowing Him to be my strength and letting Him help me through the rocky heights we've been traveling this past year.

I really need to work on my relationship with Him, let myself just rest in Him and trust Him more....because I haven't been trusting, resting or even really talking to God lately. I know that "I" can't do it alone, but that's what I've been trying to do. Well, it's not working at all, so it's time to try doing it the right way! Of course, if you do something you should do it right the first time, right? I say that all of the time when it comes to things around my home, but I haven't been practicing that in my Spiritual life and that's where it's needed the most!

Okay Lord, I'm listening and I will be still. I will listen for your voice and wait for your leading. I will allow myself to rest in your arms and let you carry me, instead of trying to do everything myself. It's all in your hands, and I will do my best to let you take care of it and leave it in your control. (Because when I try to do it myself, it's all out of control!!!)

Hoping and praying for a good week and a new perspective on things going on around here!!!

The End Will Justify the Pain It Took to Get Us There...

Here are the lyrics to my newest fav RelientK song, I keep thinking about the past year every time I hear it. It's really eye-opening to me, to hear it, and how things are going to be once we "get there" (to whatever new ministry God has in store for us).

2004 was a rough year all-around for our family; from resignations, housing situations and even physical injuries we all really struggled to stay sane at times. It's been stressful and I haven't been the best wife, mother, or even child of God; I've allowed myself to be too caught up in being "so scared to find out, what this life's all about, so scared we're going to lose it, not knowing all along that's exactly what we need". I think I have been holding on to "what I 'thought' I had" way too tightly and I need to allow myself to lose the life I'm living (or think I should be living). I know that wherever God leads, we will be happy and joyful in serving in whatever ministry He leads us. Right now, there are a couple of options out there, and I have absolutely NO clue what the outcome will be, but I do know that we will be happy no matter which door we walk through because we will be following God! My stress levels will remain high until we know where we're going, and then rise again trying to move and settle, but I know that we are "almost there" and this past year has been a long journey that is nearing an end. Then, we'll start on a fresh journey and my heart feel brand new and the heavy load will be lightened!!!

"Let It All Out"

RelientK

Let it all out

get it all out

rip it out remove it

don't be alarmed

when the wound begins to bleed

cause we're so scared to find out

what this life's all about

so scared we're going to lose it

not knowing all along

that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with confidence

of a man who's never known defeat

but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did

I will stare at you in disbelief

oh, inconsistent me

crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt

but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse

If the burden seems too much to bear

Remember

the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known

at times I have shown

signs of all my weakness

but somewhere in me

there is strength

and you promise me

that you believe

in time I will defeat this

cause somewhere in me

there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence

of a man who's never known defeat

and I'll try my best to just forget

that that man isn't me

reach out to me

make my heart brand new

every beat will be for you

for you

and I know you know

you touched my life

when you touched my heavy heart and made it light

Patiently Waiting on God, or trying to anyway...

As the new year has begun, hubby's search for God's place for us has continued. This weekend will make three in a row that he's interviewed. Last weekend's trip to South Carolina was a good one. We met some really great people who were so open and hospitable to us, you could just see God's love through their welcoming spirit. If that is the door God opens, I would be honored to walk through it and become part of a community of such warm, loving people. Of course, there are other doors that need to be knocked on also, which is the reason we're going on yet another road trip this weekend!

I'm just praying that we can find the right place and KNOW that it's the right place too. I'm tired of moving, tired of starting over where we think we're supposed to be, to find out that it wasn't what we thought it was going to be. I know that NO place is going to be perfect, and there will always be problems of some kind. I just want to be in a place where problems will be worked through, not given up on. A place where God's love is shown through His people, no matter what human emotions get in the way. A place where the people follow the example of Christ and love unconditionally everyone who comes into their lives. Hindsight shows me that these things were apparent even before directed in our direction, I just pray that I will see clearly the people around me for how they really are before I get in the path of their fury, yet again. I don't want to have walls or barriers keeping people from getting close, but it's hard not to when you've been burned so many times by people who were supposed to be closest to you. I want to be in a situation where I can grow spiritually and stumble occasionally without judgement, to be loved for who I am, not "who" my husband is or what he does for a living.

Prayer for guidance, patience and wisdom. I need patience, because I am tired of waiting on God and want to know "now" the things I want to know. I need guidance in making right decisions for our family and wisdom on how to make the decisions that will affect our family. I also need to allow myself to follow my husband and his leadership, as his calling is to follow God's will for his life, and sometimes I let my "wants" get in the way of letting him follow the calling he has been given.

Hopefully, we'll know "something" soon as to what God wants. But until then I will try to be patient and continue to pray for everyone involved in all of the decisions that will affect our family and our lives.

Trying to be patient.....hurry up God!!! :)