The past couple of weeks have been an emotional and spiritual eye-opener for me, and I needed something to happen in a big way in both areas because I've allowed myself to get in a place where I put so many walls up that I was blocking out God too. Reconnecting with friends from the past, reconciling situations (even if just in my mind), and a lot of healing of old wounds. It's been amazing to see how God has been working in me so quickly and so thoroughly, teaching me to allow things to just fall on Him to take care of however He sees fit.
I learned again to wait on Him and see that He is good...when things didn't look like they were going well and I wanted to run far, far away, I made myself stay and trust that He would show me the answers I was seeking...and it is turning out to be good, and I can picture it becoming amazing once more.
Today I began stressing about some things that hadn't been weighing on me for a couple of weeks (and over which I have no control anyway), and then I saw this Britt Nicole video (see below) and was moved by the lyrics...
I remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes
Then the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain't worth stayin'
You wanna run but you're hesitatin'
Later this evening I saw a photo tribute to an amazing woman of God who recently was called Home to be with Him, and I just cried. She was an inspiration to me, and the biggest reason I followed the call to marry someone in ministry. Life is not easy, but God is in control. Finances, illness, relationships, the future...all are in His hands, and if we let Him, He will take care of us until He says it's time for us to go Home. After watching the photo tribute for Lynn, I was moved to tears to the point I was sobbing. Seeing the light in her eyes, even when facing untreatable cancer, pictures of her with her children as they were growing up from babies into men, and even in her bed with her grandchildren surrounding her, you could see the love and light just flowing from her as she lived in the moment...I want that!
I want to be a light to those around me, starting with my family. I want the light to be recognizable, even in pictures of me. And one day if someone feels inspired to put together a photo tribute to me, I want to be worthy of having it made because I made a difference in the lives of others in a big way, even if it's "quietly loud" the way Lynn lived her life. I have a t-shirt I got a few years back from a Planet Wisdom conference a few years back that simply says "Love Louder"...I think that says plenty.
The Lost Get Found
by Ben Glover & Britt Nicole
Hello my friend, I remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes
Then the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain't worth stayin'
You wanna run but you're hesitatin', I'm talkin' to me
Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere
Somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found
So when you get the chance, are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it...
Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way...
So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
